DANCE, DANCE, DANCE

I dance. Do I dance well? I have no bleeding idea! Do I care? My answer is always “NO”! Not because I actually don’t but because I’m not sure if I’d appreciate your answers.

I find it to be therapeutic for going through the sheer fuckery that is everyday life. The biggest problem is fear. Fear of looking foolish, fear of tripping on my own laces, fear of poking her in the eyes, fear of getting knocked out by my dance partners boyfriend, fear of accidentally touching her boobs and getting smacked, fear of spilling someone’s drink, fear of my partner feeling my erm... tumescence as she grinds against me in obedience to the exhortations of Sean Paul.

Fear causes my mind to race and my muscles to tighten. What follows has caused observers to wince and look away or at other times made them to gather round in admiration and cheer. Other times I’m asked to leave.

So what do I like about dancing? It teaches me that I cannot suppress the fear, nor think my way out of it. I may have control over my body but i cannot control how its movements will be perceived by others. My only option is to live in the moment and get to sporadic spasming. This is a lesson that I have tried to apply to my life at large.

Every day I make a conscious effort to gracefully accept my fears. - My fear of being judged as inadequate, my fear of letting down people who count on me, my fear that I have nothing to bloody write about, my fear that no one will read my stuff because they'd rather watch mediocre celebrities frolic around some silly house with cameras all over the place, my fear regarding the welfare of my parents, my fear that my sister will never talk to me again, my fear that I will die alone, my fear that the scar on my arm is going to mutate into a cancer, my fear of impending National crisis, cockroaches, random violence and dirty bombs -- and work anyway.

 The result has been astonishing. I believe my work is better than ever. I have also tried to apply this lesson about fear to my dealings with women and other awkward personal relationship. That hasn’t worked out as well.

I think I need to keep dancing and keep my head up.