I wanna know... Pt 1

After spending the last few years peacocking about and living in the escapist surrealness that is the Abuja social scene, I have many, many questions. Some pertinent and some not so pertinent. But since I am still reeling from being struck by the supreme power of ignorance and foolishness, as is always the result when one allows oneself to get dragged into a "beer parlour" argument, I shall only ask the less pertinent questions.
 
In Hades, sorry I mean Aristotle (a night club located in Ceddi Plaza), whose idea was it to frequently blare off that bloody siren every time some one buys a "high end" drink? I mean, the damned thing sounds like a cross between a crucified banshee and a foghorn in labour! That's my reward for spending my hard earned money? And I've been there often enough to know that they'll set it off randomly whether or not a peanut is purchased. Why? You can see them, with malevolent grins pressing the damn button! And you can almost hear their thoughts;"dance slaves! Or I'll rupture your eardrums! Bwah hahahahaha! 
 
At Play. Why, oh why are those bouncers on a never ending ego trip? Personally, I don't get any crap from them...anymore. But sometimes watching them act like letting you in is the equivalent to donating the liver your mother so desperately needs to live is downright annoying. 
Oh, and this is probably just me, but why does being in the X.O VIP lounge make me feel like I'm in a mental institution?
 
Aqua! I know, I know...the high whore count isn't their fault...its located in the Sheraton for cripes sake! But more unsettling...does Jolly Cole have sweat glands? That dude seems like he could come in there dressed as Santa and still not break a sweat!
 
Cubana and A-lounge... Sigh! Why not forget gate fees and all and enforce a strict shower and deodorant policy? Hell, install a shower near the door and make 'em buy the deo! Maybe its just me but after creating some reasonably lovely edifices to put your club in, having it smell like the place armpits go to die is not my idea of the right "ambiance"!
 
Eden, nice, nice...for a hallway. And why does it always seem like you're crashing a party meant only for the owners and their 6 to 10 friends? Their always hopping about, partying harder than the customers, hogging the waitresses, so much that I often want to walk up to them and say "happy birthday". 
 
Cafe 24: No other hang out spot illustrates the need to "Light Up Nigeria". Do they make money? Yes. 
Are their prices low? No. 
Do they consider investing in a functional generator or inverter?... Don't be absurd!
Oh and I have to ask; is it located just beside the twilight zone? 'Cos it has to be the only place where it takes longer to make a club sandwich than it does to make Fried rice, curry sauce and chicken. Hmmm.
 
Terminal 5: what are you? Night club, lounge., what???
 
The Basement? 'Nuff said!
 
Mediterranean Rec Centre. Its got everything! Basketball, swimming, ping pong, music school, beach volleyball, go karts, ampitheater, soccer, karate dojo, health foods, tennis...even hammocks! But no people? Huh?
 
Well, that'll do it for now. Feel free to ask any questions of your own in the comments section. I'm off to pursue deeper inquest as to the location of Jolly C's sweat glands! 
Oh and if you do two things this week, they should be: 
1. Get a copy of Jesse Jagz's blazing new album, "Jag of All Trades"
2. Get your copy of the "City Crawler" magazine

3. Come get Blended, iBlend style at TGI1st at the Silverbird Galleria!

what? that's three things? whatever man!....iblend!
 
Later, crazy people!