Bluetooth, Bloody Bluetooth!

I'm walking through Exclusive Stores the other day because I've got that kind of money and I get pissed off. No, not because of a multi-million dollar superstore selling about-to-expire goods to an unsuspecting public in the name of “a good bargain” effectively killing off smaller more wholesome businesses across the nation... fuck them!

Not because I saw some asswipe actually buy 3 coconuts in the same store. A coconut? Really? This IS still Naija, Africa, somewhere in the tropics, yeah? I’m confused.
No, I get pissed off because I'm walking down the aisle and I see some six foot tall retard talking to himself. I give the retard a funny look and he looks back at me revealing that he's got one of those bluetooth things in his ear.

The situation was clarified but not changed... the guy is still a retard.
I hate to be the one to break this to everyone who honestly thinks that wearing a Bluetooth headset is some kind of fashion accessory, but it's an earphone, not an earring and when I see people walking around with one of those things jammed in their ear like some kind of mechanical brain slug from Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, all I can think of is that the look would be complete with a rainbow-colored skull cap and a line of drool coming out of the side of your mouth. You look... STUPID! It's not hip, it's not trendy, it's like your trying to get assimilated into a retarded Borg collective or something.

Let me shock you for a minute and tell you that I don't think that bluetooth is a horrible invention! I think it's a completely brilliant idea, actually, when you're in a car and can drive with both hands on the wheel while talking to your homies even when you’re cooking but when you're walking along and talking to no one, take the fucking thing out of your ear! I love dental floss, but I don't go around with a string of it hanging out of my mouth all the time.

But no, I see these people with their mind suckers sticking out of their ears all the time. "Well, El-Jefe, how am I supposed to talk to someone without my Bluetooth earpiece?" Try using the phone, jackass. It's one thing that you look normal (if a bit annoying) jabbering on a cell phone in a populated area, but

it's something completely different if you look like a schizo talking to yourself in the grocery store.
I have also decided that people who wear these goddamn things all the time really overvalue their importance to society. To watch some of these sad, simple, delusional people walk around you'd think that they were fantasizing about being in the secret service or something. Then again, if this gaggle of brain-dead monkeys were really in charge of keeping the Attorney General safe, would that be a bad thing?

It's really simple, it’s not a fashion accessory, it's not an earring, it's not cool! Take the fucking thing off and use it when it's appropriate. I don't wear condoms continually, nor do I have a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth in public or do I display my swim goggles all the time. Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece continually makes no sense and it makes you look stupid.
But wait! Come back all is forgiven…on the condition that you help me kill the only class worse than you. The guys who use hands-free, headsets continually despite the fact that they don’t drive, their phones don’t have radio and can’t carry more than 5 songs and with the cords all over the place looking like unfinished terminators.

Do us all a favor, take that fucking thing out of your ear and shove it up your ass.